Ero-Pops
by skyborge
Summary: Jiraya had never planned on being a father, it just wasnt for him after all. An infamous pervert as a fatherly figure? You've got to be joking. But what happens when a young Naruto needs saving.\? Jiraya finds a soft spot in his heart for the little child. Leaf Village Itatchi. NaruXHinata SasuXSakura
1. Chapter 1

**Ero-pops**

Jiraya walked through the towns market district in a sullen mood. It was the day of the celebration. That blasted celebration. He hated this goddamn event. These people lined the streets to glorify the attack on this village, _his_ village by the Nine Tailed Demon, _the_ Kyuubi. To celebrate and remember the battle to repel the beast. The one that killed his student… his all but adopted son. "_Fricken' idiots, all of them_" he spat in his mind while subconsciously glaring at all the villagers around him who had the audacity to look happy on such an occasion. At least the ninja in his presence had the sense to appear docile and slightly put off at the whole event, least he decide to turn his aggression onto them. Being one of the legendary Sannin had its perks after all.

He doubted there was a single person in the entire expanse of the nations that hated this specific day more than he did. Well, maybe _that_ kid, he couldn't have it easy today at all, seeing has how almost the entire village saw him as a reincarnation of the Kyuubi himself. Speaking of which, where was that blonde kid that was always hiding from everyone? Jiraya hadn't seen him in over a year. His supposed to be god-son. "_Humph, as if I could be a father!_" he chuckled lowly to himself. He paused in the middle of the road for a second listening intently. He could have _sworn_ that he had heard the subject of his thoughts. Shrugging it off he continued along his stroll back to his apartment.

"_BLAHHHHHH YOU A MEANIE"_

Goddamn it! He knew he had heard that this time! He quickly sushined, disappearing into a swirl of leaves, to the source of the noise, appearing outside of a simple fruit stall. He saw the familiar mop of blonde hair and cursed his luck that his sense of hearing was right and he was now stuck in the middle of this. He decided to observe until further notice.

He watched the little boy pick himself up off the floor and dust his green, knee length shorts off. Why the hell was he on his own? He's 4 years old for Gods sake! The child approached the stand and tried, probably for the second time, to quickly grab an orange as the merchant had his backed turned. The stall owner whipped around and grabbed the child by the goggles resting on his head and pulled him off his feet, dangling him in the air at eye level.

"Listen here _Demon."_ he spat out the word like venom. "You lay one more finger on my stock and ill do this village, and the world a favor by throwing you off of the Hokage monument." He was actually threatening the little boy! Jiraya was shocked to say the very least, in fact that was the biggest understatement possible. He had half the mind to throw the civilian off the monument himself, into a puddle of flaming oil. This was his students legacy! He watched in horror as the child was backhanded hard enough to go skidding across the ground towards another stall, where he promptly slammed into the pole holding up the sign of the vendor. "Authentic Ninja Toys" read the sign, and on display where a number of plastic weapon replicas.

Upon seeing the small blonde haired child, the female store owner let out a scream of sorts, maybe more of a yell, "GETOUTOFMYSIGHTYOUFILTHYDEMON!". She screamed without taking a breath. She proceeded to pick up her merchandise, a couple of shuriken, and through them as hard as she could at the young child. Being a civilian, these throws weren't accurate so the kid was rarely hit. However, where ever they managed to make contact, the hard plastic items left large, red, sore looking welts; and since most of his body was covered by clothes, these welts appeared on his face. Jiraya looked around at the faces of the other civilians, and even a few ninja who were standing around and found them staring blankly and even smiling sinisterly at times, clearly enjoying the show. No one made any moves to stop the women or help the poor boy. In fact, some of the civilians moved towards the stand, laid down a handful money, and began throwing the plastic objects too. A couple of the civilians handed them to their children and urged them to begin throwing them as well, telling them it was a game.

Through all of this offense to his person, the boys facial expression never changed. He sat there, staring straight ahead without a single sign of life in his eyes. He barely registered enough emotion to flinch when something hit him. He slowly began moving, he began to get up and start moving away, shuffling his feet as he went. He was about to leave the market district when a rather large plastic kunai hit him square in the back of the head; completely nocking him off his feet. The only person who could have thrown that accurately was a ninja, which meant that they were now apart of this sadistic torture.

The boy was promptly dragged back into the center of the market for more things to be thrown at him, this time, some metal. Jiraya made a decision, it was time to intervene. However, before he could even gather enough chakra to shushin' into the square in front of the child, a metal object, probably a plate of some sorts, struck the boy in the forehead, knocking him unconscious and opening a vicious wound. Anger swelled within Jiraya, who was well renowned for his calm demeanor. He shushin'd down in front of the boy forming hand seals before he went. He appeared in a swirl of leaves and finished his jutsu. "SPIKED MANE JUTSU: Paralysis technic!" He yelled out. His hair had elongated down his back and taken on a hard, sharp look. After the saying of the jutsu, the hairs stood up on end and shot in all directions. Some hit people others just stuck into the walls of building, but all had the desired effect. All eyes moved slowly from the bleeding child on the ground, up to the very, very angry Sannin standing before them.

Jiraya began leaking killing intent at all the life forms around him, wether intentionally or uncontrollably, he couldn't quite say. He was pissed. Too say the least of it. He picked up the boy cradle style, and began carrying him out of the market. He was slowly trudging away when a child, no older than four, maybe five, walked up behind him. The small boy tugged on Jiraya's scroll, hoping to get his attention. In his haze of rage, Jiraya whipped around expecting to see a civilian stupid enough to try and take his godson from him. "_Did he just call him his godson? jesus." _However, he looked around and found no one at his eye level to try and challenge him for custody of the child. When he felt another tug he glanced down to see a raven haired boy staring up at him. His eyes where jet black, and he had black hair. As if that weren't enough to easily sort out which clan he belonged too, he even had their crest stuck on his back and pant legs. "What is it, young Uchiha?" Jiraya asked, hopefully relatively calmly.

The young child looked up at him fearfully but for some odd reason, Jiraya sensed that the child wasn't afraid of him. It was then that he noticed the boy was not staring at him, but at the small bundle in his arms, containing none other than young Naruto. The young Uchiha looked up at Jiraya with small appearings of tears in his eyes, "Is blondey gonna' be okay?" he asked quietly. "I couldn't stop them sir, I tried to make a fireball jutsu to make them stop, but all I got was smoke.." he trailed off, staring down at his hands like he had just killed a man. Jiraya registered that the young Uchiha boy was worried for Naruto and softened up his attitude. "The boy will be fine. Some bruises and a cut is all, now run along to your family." The child turned around to walk away when a taller, similar looking boy appeared from the shadows of the ally next to them and stopped him. He had the same black hair and eyes and was very Uchiha-esk. He had deep grooves running from his eyes down his face and was extremely high profile in the leaf village.

"Itachi." the Toad Sannin stated as a greeting. Itachi bowed his head "Greetings, Sannin-sama."

Jiraya watched as Itachi knelt down before the younger Uchiha boy. "What is the matter Sasuke?" Sasuke looked up at his older clan member. "I couldn't stop them Itachi, all I got out of my fireball jutsu was smoke again." Itachi let out a sigh, "Alright then, you better practice some more in the woods too make sure that next time someone is in trouble, you can save them and be the big hero of the day." Itachi gave a smile, that was easily seen as fake to Jiraya, and ruffled the boys hair before motioning to the woods. Sasuke ran off too go train so more, clearly his mood had improved after the visit from Itachi.

"Sorry for my younger brother interrupting your departure Jiraya-sama." Itachi said as he bowed from the waste. Jiraya examined him with the new realization that this Sasuke child was Itachi's younger brother. " It was of no harm Itachi. He was just worried about this one." He sighed as he lifted Naruto for both him and Itachi to examine. There was a multitude of bruises, already blackening, on his face and legs. The cut over his eye had a tint of blue around it from the hard impact. Hell, he probably even had a concusion, if only someone had stepped in sooner. Suddenly an idea donned on Jiraya. "Why the hell didn't you stop them?" he questioned Itachi. "I know you where there with Sasuke after all" Jiraya was mad now. "Well, Jiraya-sama, you yourself didn't jump in until little Naruto here was hit in the head." Said Itachi as he gave Jiraya a smile.

"Whatever Itachi." Jiraya said and began walking away, before turning around and shouting back, "Bring that brat around my apartment later too see the Naruto. I think he could use some friends!". "Yes." replied Itachi "Sasuke as well. Are you staying in town long Sama?". This maid Jiraya think. Would he stay in town long? I guess after saving this brat, and seeing what had happened to him, he had to protect him. He was his godson after all. "Yes, I absolutely will be." He decided at last. Itachi nodded his goodbye and shushined off, probably to go find Sasuke and explain the plans for the boys playing together.

Now, what to do about this little tadpole. Wait. Did he just call him tadpole? Well, that about settles it, with a pet name in place, play dates being made, and his former student in mind, Jiraya was adopting Naruto. Time to become not only the legendary Toad sage and sannin, but also a father. Jesus he had a hard time ahead.


	2. Chapter 2

**ERO-POPS**

**Chapter 2**

Jiraya unlocked his door and pushed it open with his waist, as he had Naruto in his arms. He walked into to the dully light two bedroom apartment that he hadn't been in for months. Looking around, he realized that he hadn't actually changed this place since he was 27, and he's was 45 now! He even still had his swimsuit posters hanging up on the walls. Wait! There was a four year old in his house and he had pictures of almost naked girls hanging around! Jiraya quickly ran around his house ripping down posters and burning them to a crisp with a fire jutsu. All but one particular picture of a certain slug princess in a bath house that he himself had taken. That little treasure went into his personal safe. Now that his abode was a little more 'child ready', he went to find little Naruto.

He found the child, still unconscious, exactly where he had put him down on the couch. He took his shirt off so that he could examine the injuries caused by those idiotic civilians in the market district. What he found was none to pleasing to see on anyone, let alone a 4 year old. There was a multitude of bruises running down his arms, legs, and covering his face. These would be sore but heal in no time so Jiraya moved onto the more pressing matter, the gash on his forehead. It was openly bleeding still, and was covered in dirt from the boy falling over onto the ground after being hit. It would probably need medical attention, and Jiraya was far from a medic, but he could clean it up easily enough. Nodding in his decision, he picked up Naruto and made his way into the kitchen. He placed Naruto in the sink and laughed at the fact that he actually fit! "So small for four." Muttered Jiraya.

"That'd be five mister." Naruto stated groggily.

Jiraya whipped his head upwards at the sound of the blondes voice. "what?"

He asked incredulously.

"I turned five today, today is my birffday!" Responded the young boy, jumping up from the make shift bath. "I'm to old for baffs in the sink now!" he yelled, before promptly slipping on the wet counter and falling right back into the sink. All in a very amusing and strangely adorable way if you asked Jiraya. The blonde child proceeded to flop around in the soapy water until he had succeed in getting everything in the vicinity, including Jiraya, wet. Jiraya looked back and forth from his soaking clothes and the giggling child in mock horror. "Well that was rude! Maybe I'll have to teach you some manners!" It was meant to be a joke, and Jiraya had assumed the boy would take it that way, but his reaction differed from the expected.

Naruto scuttled backwards across the ground to get away from him, scared out of his wits. He had just said "_teach you some manners_" that was the same thing _She _used to say before he would begin to hurt. This man with long white hair had appeared so nice to him, but those words proved him to be no different from the others. So now it was time to run. Flight or fight. Basic instincts. His body and mind were set on the first option, so that's exactly what he did. He bolted.

He ran around the room circling Jiraya, hoping to confuse the older man but it was obvious that it wasn't working as Jiraya just stood there looking slightly amused and the child's attempts to flee. He didn't quite know what the boy was up to, but nether lest, best be on guard. Suddenly, Naruto decided to dash in front of the man, relying on surprise to help him. After all, how could Jiraya anticipate his movements if even he couldn't? He ran up to the man and started hitting him as hard as he could in the knee. The man tensed up and glared down at the boy. After realizing that he was obviously no match for this white haired menace he just stared back defiantly.

"HAHAHA!" bellowed Jiraya, "You're a feisty little fucker aren't you?" He laughed, but after realizing the error of his language he corrected the statement. "Errrr, I mean, you've got a lot of fight in you tadpole!" It came out as a compliment and he watched it wash over the boy. Naruto pondered the words for a few seconds before accepting them as praise and then beamed up at Jiraya proudly. "_God, this kid is just fuckin- really, adorable. I need to watch my language around him though."_ Thought Jiraya. He let out a loud sigh, realizing how annoying and stressful this whole 'parenthood' thing was going to be. However, he wasn't a parent quite yet. He still had to get the Hokage's and Council's approval. The Hokage wouldn't be a problem, he was Jiraya's sensei after all, but that damnable council. They seemed to go against everything Jiraya or his sensei wanted. They where just stick in the mud's who hated change. But, he'd be damned if they would take this kid away from him now.

Wait, he's only had one conversation with Naruto, and this is the first time in over 3 years that he's actually interacted with the kid. When did he become attached? When did he start to care about this whole thing? Maybe it was because he was Minato's kid. He did look a lot like the third, a LOT like him. How did people not see it? "Idiots." He said out loud to agree with his internal dialogue. Naruto, thinking he was being addressed, whipped his head up to look at Jiraya but since he was so small his head was too heavy for such an action. The result looked something like a life sized chibi bobble head. This of course, set Jiraya once again into a fit of laughter at the child's antics. "_Maybe I can get used to this." _He thought happily.

Glancing at the clock he realized that it was almost ten-thirty. He should probably get this kid to bed because tomorrow he was going to be coming with him to get the adoption process started. Maybe he aught to tell the kid about the adoption first, but maybe its better not to till' its finalized. That way he would be used to living with Jiraya once he found out that it would be permanent. Shocking him wouldn't do any good, as Jiraya had already found out after his little joke about manners earlier. He'd for sure have to be more careful for now, or at least until he could fix that kids brain. Who knows what he went through up until now? From the way that he acted after the mob attacked him in the market, it wasn't the first time or a surprise for him. The thought alone made Jiraya want to puke. That, or run right up to the council chamber and kick the shit out of all the selfish, snot nosed, egotistical councilors that had the audacity to say they were responsible for the well being of all citizens in The Leaf Village. Those pompous shits should just try and keep this kid away from him. He has permission to leave the village whenever he wants after all. At that thought, he gave a sinister chuckle, walking off to put Naruto to sleep.

When Jiraya entered the living room to collect the boy however, he was nowhere to be found. Jiraya looked around everywhere, even under the couch for some reason or another and still, no little blonde to be seen. Jiraya began to panic and began checking with his neighbors and outside in the woods below his apartment balcony. It was now midnight, and the child was still missing and Jiraya had all but given up. He decided that the kid had probably just freaked out and ran back to where ever he calls home to sleep. He could go find him in the morning once the sun was up and it was bright. Consenting to that plan, he decided it was time for _him_ to get some rest. He walked over to his small closet and threw it open, looking for his nightclothes. But what he found was a curled up little Naruto lying on top of his laundry pile, using a t-shirt as a make-shift blanket; fast asleep. He looked so vulnerable, and Jiraya didn't fail to notice the red rings around the child's eyes that signified Naruto had been crying.

Nudging him slightly to wake him up failed, so Jiraya simplify lifted up the small boy with minimal movement and began to carry him towards the couch. As he walked ever so slowly toward the couch he realized that he couldn't let the kid sleep on a couch, after everything that he'd been through today alone. So, he altered his course towards the bedroom, and planned to sleep on the couch himself. He was _trying_ to move slowly and carefully, but his inpatient nature began to get to him so he started to speed up. But, as every good ninja knows, the faster you go the less aware you are, which was true for this moment also. Jiraya tripped over none other than his own giant scroll. He began a decent towards the ground while still clutching to the child. He turned his back at the last second so that he didn't land on the child and cause him harm. "Fuck!" he yelled as he hit the hardwood floor and heard his back crack in a very concerning way. Unfortunately, his sudden outburst caused the child to stir.

"Why are you lying on the floor silly old man?" Naruto asked, giving Jiraya a wide-eyed stair. "Wait! Why am I on the floor?" he began to panic slightly. "Did I do something? Was I a bad kid?" He was starting to shout now and began to tear up again. "No, no no no no! Do not worry little tadpole, you are a fine kid." Naruto immediately stopped his process of crying. "Why do you call me tadpole, Ero-stranger-man?" the boy questioned in a pointed manner. "Well, I'll let you in on that secret if you tell me why I'm 'ero-stranger-man' now." To be honest, Jiraya was amused by this new name, he new he was a pervert. But, how would this child know? It was quite a funny, sort of cute, name to be perfectly outright about it. Not like he would admit that to any one else however.

"Well," Naruto said as he began to rub his chin like he was in deep thought, "You are a stranger to me, so that's the 'stranger' part, and I _think_ you're a man," at this, he scrunched up the left side of his face in an effort to make it appear even deeper in thought, emphases on _in an effort._ "and as for the 'ero' part, well, I found these in your closet before I fell asleepies'." He proudly held up a handful of papers and a book. Jiraya, recognizing his most prized pictures and his favorite book, tried to snatch them away, but the child had suddenly gained super speed, and dashed out of the way. Naruto began inspecting the pictures with a thoughtful expression. "See?" he said, holding up the book, Make Out Paradise, 'The Jungle Book'. " you're a super pervert!". Jiraya stormed over to the boy and snagged his book away. "This is mine, nothing for a young boy to be looking at. And, for your information, I'm not reading it, I _wrote_ it." He said proudly. "Wow!" exclaimed Naruto. "That's even _more _pervy!" He began laughing and running circles around a currently sweat-dropping Jiraya. It was quite the sight for anyone who would see, and in this case, it happened to be two young Uchihas.

"mhm" Itachi coughed to get the attention of the two males and to get them to stop their antics. They both slowly turned their heads towards him and then quickly straightened themselves and began stammering in embarrassment. Well, Jiraya did, Naruto just looked happily at the other Uchiha with Itachi. He quickly realized that he was staring, at that all the others in the room were staring at _him_. He sprinted towards Jiraya, dubbing him the safest and friendliest in the room, and promptly attempted to disappear by hiding behind his leg. Jiraya once again, sweat dropped at the normally brash child's shyness. It was then that he realized Naruto had probably never had much interaction with his own generation, positive interaction that is. This struck Jiraya as one of the worst fates that a child could be subjected too. He hadn't had many friends as a child after all, always so focused on training. He swore that Naruto wouldn't have to deal with that issue the same way that he had. So, as a solution, he shoved Naruto right into a rather flustered Sasuke. "Get off me you blonde haired baka!"Sasuke screeched at the physical contact with the other boy. "Sowwy." Naruto looked down at his feat than back up at Sasuke. "What does baka mean?" He asked innocently, and in a very blunt reply Sasuke answered, "It means that you're stupid." Naruto looked at him still a little confused before the implications of the insult fully hit him, and when it did he let it be known, loudly. "Hey! If I'm a baka, you're, you're a, a, Asshole!" he yelled, getting a shocked reaction from Jiraya, and the two Uchiha's.

"NARUTO!" Jiraya yelled, rather aggressively. "Watch your goddamn

language!" Thus starting a shouting match between the two.

"Watch yours, ero-bastard!"

"What did you say to me you fucking brat!?"

"You heard you me, you cotton headed ninny muffin!"

"What's that even mean, you idiot!?"

"You're acting like a four year old!"

"You _are_ a four year old!"

"IM FIVE!"

"_These two are amusing. This could defiantly help to provide Sasuke with some humor and fun in his life. However, ill have to talk to Jiraya about that language of his, and the child." _Itachi thought, as he observed the two in their child-like argument. He was deep in his thought plan on how to rid Jiraya and now Naruto of their terrible cursing habit when he heard a small laugh come from Sasuke. "_Did Sasuke just… 'giggle'? _He stared at his brother for a little longer as he began to laugh harder and harder until there were tears threatening to leak from his eyes. He was laugibgn so hard in fact that Itachi couldn't help but join in. So for the first time in a long time, the two stoic Uchiha's began to laugh together. Suddenly however, Sasuke lunged towards Naruto before Itachi could stop him. Itachi didn't know what he thought would happen but what did defiantly wasn't on his list.

Naruto turned to see Sasuke running towards him at full speed. He tried to get out of the way but was too slow and found himself being plowed over by the other boy who was significantly bigger than he was. They went tumbling behind the couch and it wound up with Naruto lying on his back and Sasuke on top of him, sitting so that he couldn't get up. In the back of his mind he knew that his attempts to struggle against Sasuke were futile, but that didn't stop him from at least trying. So he squirmed and squirmed until he gave up and simply began to tickle the bottom of Sasuke's feet to get him to leap off his perch atop him. The two stood facing each other in crouched positions waiting for the other to jump back into their childish fight. However, before any further action could Susuke let his guard down and smiled. "You're funny blondey." Stated Susuke in a matter o' fact tone. "We're friends now." And at that, he extended his hand. Naruto, not fully adept in the art of social interaction just stared at it ackwardly. "You're supposed to shake it baka." Sasuke sighed, looking at his new chosen friend. Well, _only_ friend at this point. "Naruto, if you want to be friends with Susuke-kun, you have to shake his hand. It's polite."

Naruto stared down at the extended hand. What did it entitle to be friends with Sasuke. In fact, what did it mean to be 'friends' in the first place? He had never called anyone a friend before. He had heard the word used between other kids his age and older and they seemed to enjoy their 'friends'. It must be a good thing right? He might as well do it, he could take it back if he didn't like it he supposed. So, he extended his hand and grasped Susuke's in his and began to chaotically shake it up and down; getting another laugh out of Sasuke. "Alright Susuke-kun, we'll be friends!" He shouted out, jumping forward and giving a one hand on hip and a thumb up pose. Susuke sweat dropped before punching him in the arm lightly. "Just cuz' we're friends now, doesn't mean you're not a baka." Naruto knew that he needed a speedy, funny comeback; and cursing probably wouldn't cut it, so 'asshole' was out of the question. He thought back to the names he'd been called before and tried to find one that was appropriate. Suddenly he settled on one and looked back to his new friend. "Well you're no better, Susuke-teme." Sasuke looked a little ticked off for a second, before he began to laugh once again and high-five his new friend.

"Well, it's late so me and Susuke are going to go back home, goodnight Jiraya-sama, Naruto-kun." With that, Itachi held Sasuke's hand and sushine'd away. Jiraya yawned and picked up naruto in one arm and began to move him towards the bed. He flopped Naruto down, who was already asleep and made his own way to the couch. He unceremoniously jumped on to the couch and began to fade to sleep but was stopped by a single thought. "_why was Itachi and his younger brother here at midnight?!" _He jumped up and ran outside to find a pile of 3 civilians lying unconscious on the ground about 20 feet away from his front door. There was a note taped to one of their forehead.

_Jiraya-sama,_

_Someone told them that Naruto was here so they came to find him. You should consider moving if you plan on keeping him with you, which I assume you do. Keeping him safe from civilians will be vexing, but hardly difficult I imagine. He his a good child, but he is highly disliked for what he contains. Take care of him._

_ Ja ne' _

_ Itachi Uchiha_

Well, he'd have to have a talk with the Hokage about more than just Naruto's adoption tomorrow. But for now, it was time for bed. He could take care of everything, he assured himself. Things would get better for this kid if he had anything to say about it. And goddamit, he sure as hell did.

Authors notes:

Hey guys, just wanted to let you know that updates will be weekly. Usually on Thursdays but I got done pretty fast. These chapters may be shorter than you're used too, but I am a high school student and school has to come first. So, I apologize in advance. As always, reviews appreciated. Oh, and I promise not to make Naruto incredibly powerful!

- Skyborge.


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